


Take My Hand and Take My Heart

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Gratsu [53]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Aftermath, Choices, Doubt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Friendship/Love, Guilt, M/M, Memories, Post-Alvarez Teikoku | Alvarez Empire Arc, Regrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-09 15:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19478638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: Try being his friend first…But we’re already friends, in fact, we’re more than friends, Gray wanted to protest, but the words wouldn’t come, because he wasn’t certain. Not in the same way he had been before Tartarus, or even that night when they had shared a bed for the first time since their reunion.There are more questions than answers in the aftermath of the war.





	Take My Hand and Take My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> 'So take my heart and take my hand  
> Take my heart and take my hand  
> Take my heart and take my hand again and again  
> Right where we stand'
> 
> (Take My Hand (The Wedding Song) by Emily Hackett)

Gray wondered why it was that they always tried to tell themselves that something was over, even when the aftereffects stretched out around them. Were they just trying to tell themselves that worst was over? Or was it because the thought of facing more was too much? He wasn’t sure. He just knew that they were wrong. Sure, the fighting had stopped, and they had achieved a victory of sorts. But it wasn’t over. He could still see the war in the damage that lingered behind, buildings that had been reduced to piles of rubbles, others that would take months to fix. Then there were the injuries, the bandages that many of them still bore, trying to ease the burden on those with healing magic and allow them to focus on the more seriously wounded people and those without magic. And there was the grief. The shadows that darkened the eyes of everyone he spoke to, the heaviness that their words carried, and the tears that were shed as they said their farewells to Makarov.

It wasn’t over.

It would be a long time before it was. The loss of Makarov was one that would take a long time to heal, because old or young, he had been their family. Their Master. Their Shield. Then there was everything that they had seen and done, the extremes that they’d been forced to go to just to survive, let alone protect the guild. He knew that he wasn’t alone in waking every night since then from nightmares, where he was forced to see what could have been, what his decisions could have cost him, and he knew from painful experience that those kind of nightmares took a long time to fade away if they ever did. It was a wound that couldn’t be healed with bandages and balms or the gentle warmth of Wendy’s magic.

In fact, one of the few things that might have helped, at least in terms of easing the nightmares, was another thing that told him that it wasn’t over yet and that was Natsu. _Natsu,_ his jaw clenched just at the thought of the Dragon-slayer, but he couldn’t stop himself from scanning the Guildhall, hoping to spot the familiar pink hair, even if it meant that Natsu was once again avoiding him. But there was no sign of him or Happy, although Lucy was sat with Erza and Wendy at their usual table. It wasn’t an uncommon sight in the last few days, and only the fact that he’d heard others mentioning that Natsu had been helping with repairs told him that the Fire Mage hadn’t taken off. It was a small comfort, and in a way, it made his choice even harder.

At least if Natsu had gone, disappearing as he had in the wake of Igneel’s death, he would have known that there was something to fix, and he would have known to go after him and drag him back. _Like he should have done a year ago,_ he thought, but that was an old regret, one eased somewhat by the fact that they’d both needed that time to heal and grow. But this time Natsu hadn’t left, and he was still helping with the repairs. He just wasn’t here. He had barely said two words to Gray since the ragged, cry of victory had spread throughout the guild, and had only spent a little more time near him, and Gray sighed, shoulders slumping.

He couldn’t blame Natsu for that.

They had only just been starting to get their relationship back on something approximating an even keel after what had happened with Tartarus and Avatar, and after the year apart. Fumbling their way back towards how they’d been before everything had gone to hell, and if he closed his eyes, he could remember the press of Natsu against his back that first night in bed, the warmth that he had never thought he could miss so much. It had felt like coming home, even more than standing on the ground where their guildhall had been and watching the Dragon-slayer lift the tattered flag up high had, and now that was gone. Because of the secrets that had come to life during the fights, and the choices they had made. That Gray had made. Because he’d had a choice, he knew that now and he had chosen to fight E.N.D. and ignore the fact that the person he was facing was Natsu.

He knew that he’d quite been himself at the time, caught up in his guilt and fury over what had happened with Juvia, not realising that she was still alive. And his magic hadn’t helped, darkening his thoughts more than he cared to admit until it had blurred every thought and decision he’d made. But he’d still been aware enough to know that it was Natsu. To know that he was choosing a promise over the person he loved, that he was choosing to believe that Natsu had what…lied? Tricked him? That he would turn his back on Gray and Fairy Tail, because of something that he hadn’t even been aware of? In the cold light of day, Gray wasn’t sure that he could understand his own rationale, so how on Earthland could he expect Natsu to understand and forgive? 

Yet they’d managed to move past that, to fight side by side at the end, with the same trust that had been there before, and a part of him had hoped that they could move past it. But Natsu wasn’t here, hadn’t been here in days, and Gray missed him. An almost physical ache that grew with each day that passed without the Dragon-slayer, and with an irritated noise, he pushed himself to his feet. Enough was enough. He could understand if Natsu wasn’t ready to forgive him, or if he couldn’t. He would hate it, the thought of losing the Dragon-slayer because of this, leaving him feeling sick, but the not knowing was worse. At least if he knew he could try to work out where they were going from this, and it was that thought which propelled him away from the bar and across to where the others were sat.

“Have you seen Natsu anywhere?” He asked without preamble as he reached them, not sure what to make of the glance that Erza and Lucy shared.

“You’re not going to fight, are you?” Happy demanded, standing up on the edge of the table, paws clenched into fists at his side, and the Ice Mage knew that if he said the wrong thing here, the little Exceed would do everything in his power to stop him getting near Natsu.

“Not this time, Happy,” Gray tried for a smile, but he knew it fell flat. Still, he didn’t look away, letting Happy search for whatever it was that he wanted to find, and after a moment the cat nodded and sighed.

“He’s out where Igneel fell…”

“I… Thank you,” Gray murmured, even as his stomach sank. If Natsu had chosen there of all places to go and hide, then it didn’t bode well for the Dragon-slayer’s state of mind. It might also make his task a lot harder because while Natsu hadn’t seemed to blame him, he knew that his interference had played a role in the Dragon-slayer not being able to carry out his adoptive father's wishes. They hadn’t even spoken after Igneel had fallen, both too caught up in their own grief, and by the time he had realised what had happened, Natsu had taken off. “I’m going to go and talk to him,” he added unnecessarily as he stepped away.

“Gray,” Erza called out, sharing another glance with Lucy, the two of them holding a brief but intense conversation before she turned back to him. “Try being his friend first, then maybe everything will fall back into place.” He opened his mouth and then closed it, because there was something in her expression that reminded him of the time she had lost patience with him and Natsu dancing around each other, and told him bluntly to think long and hard about the differences between their friendship and the one he shared with Natsu. That had been a night full of realisations, and so he settled for nodding, eyebrows draw together as he rolled her words over in his head, absent-mindedly waving farewell over his shoulder as he let the guild.

****

_Try being his friend first…_

_But we’re already friends, in fact, we’re more than friends,_ Gray wanted to protest, but the words wouldn’t come, because he wasn’t certain. Not in the same way he had been before Tartarus, or even that night when they had shared a bed for the first time since their reunion, and a chill swept through him as he realised what Erza had been trying to say. And why the glance she had shared with Lucy had seemed tinged with sadness. _Are we even friends anymore?_ The question tasted like ash in his mouth because he could never have imagined himself having to ask it. Not after they had left their childhood rivalry behind, becoming teammates and friends, and then something more.

And yet…

*

By the time he had reached the outskirts of town, able to see out across the grassland to where the large crater that had been left in the ground from where Igneel had fallen, his stomach was twisting itself in knots. Had he really been that blind? Or that naïve, to think that they could come through what had happened as friends, if not something more? He didn’t know, and he was almost afraid to find out the answer, and yet he never thought about turning back. Knowing that if he did, then it would never be over for either of them. And so, he forced himself forward, each step feeling as though he was moving through a quagmire, as he replayed every moment since Erza had stopped them on the battlefield and leaving him with more questions than answers.

Despite that, it seemed to take no time whatsoever until he was breaching the top of the crater. No one had wanted to remove the evidence of what had happened here, in part because of what the Dragons had said to them that day about the bond they’d shared and the love that Igneel had held for humans, but more for Natsu’s sake. But nature was already beginning to reclaim the space, mosses spreading across the scattered rocks around the edges, and flowers starting to poke up in places where seeds had taken root, scatted by wind and animals alike. In time, it would become a living memorial, with only the faintest outline to remind those who knew what had happened here, but for now, it was still a work in progress, and there in the middle, on his knees just as he’d been a year ago was Natsu.

The Dragon-slayer had heard him approach. Hell, he’d probably caught Gray’s scent on the wind minutes before, and Gray supposed that he should take it as a good sign that he hadn’t just bolted, but there was something closed off about the glance that Natsu threw in his direction that scared him. It didn’t belong on Natsu’s face. He had always been open about his emotions, something that Gray had resented a bit when he was younger, back when he was struggling to trust that he could open his heart up again, but had become something warm, and familiar. He was used to being able to read Natsu, and suddenly it felt like he had been cut off from the world, and he found himself faltering, eventually coming to a halt a short distance away from Natsu.

“What do you want Gray?” It was probably more than the Dragon-slayer had said to him in days, but there was no comfort in that, because Natsu’s voice was flat, another attempt at distancing himself. This time, however, Gray caught the way his jaw trembled, and the way his hands which had curled into firsts in his lap shook. He wasn’t as emotionless as he was trying to pretend, and that gave the Ice Mage hope because as long as Natsu – the one that he knew or maybe it should be had known – was in there somewhere, they stood a chance.

“I wanted to talk,” Gray replied, but didn’t say anything more, forcing himself to take a deep breath and try and look at least a little bit like he knew what he was doing. Natsu had never been good at outlasting him when it came to patience, and he was trusting in that knowledge to help him now. A moment passed, and Gray was beginning to think that he had misjudged how much things had changed, when Natsu growled under his breath, mask cracking a little bit as he glared at him.

“About what?”

“Why don’t you tell me?” Gray challenged. It didn’t sit well with him approaching it like this, but Erza’s words were ringing in his head. _Try being his friend first._ He had been Natsu’s rival longer than anything else, but that had formed the foundation for their friendship, and it had been that rivalry that had taught him Natsu’s quirks, and how to get to him. Their friendship had softened his approach, as had their relationship, but the fundamentals were the same because it was still Natsu. Still, the same Flamebrain that he had provoked into fights on the days when the search for Igneel had got him down as a child. “Or, are you going to try ignoring that too?”

The snarl was the only warning he got before heat flooded the air around them, and he had to fight the urge to cover himself in ice, as Natsu lunged for him. He took the first punch. The fact that it didn’t fling him the length of the crater telling him that Natsu wasn’t truly furious with him, and that gave him permission to fling his hand up and catch the second one. He tightened his grip, not enough to hurt or to turn it into a proper fist fight, but enough to tell Natsu that he wasn’t going to let go without a fight.

He needn’t have worried.

Natsu stared at their linked hands for a moment before the fight seemed to drain out of him. The flicker of flames that had propelled him forward and fading away, leaving it feeling as though they were merely stood in a particularly sunny spot, while his other hand fell limp at his side. “Gray…” He murmured, and he sounded more like himself now, the closed-off tone replaced by exhaustion and a complicated mix of emotions that had Gray’s heart aching in sympathy. “I…” He trailed off, clearly not knowing what to say any more than Gray did, but the Ice Mage did know what to do, squeezing Natsu’s hand for a moment to reassure him before letting go. Natsu still looked lost and hurt for a moment, blinking in confusion when instead Gray held out his hand.

“Friends?”

_It was after the events with Lullaby, and the debacle that had been their trip back to the Guild that he had pulled Natsu aside under the guise of another brawl. Well, if you could call punching the idiot in the face a ‘guise’. Still, it hadn’t taken long for the chaos to radiate around them, giving him the cover, he needed to pull the struggling, cursing Dragon-slayer out of the guild without anyone, especially Erza noticing what he was up to._

_“What the hell, Gray?” Natsu demanded when he was finally released, looking as though he was torn between confusion and just punching the Ice Mage. Knowing that patience wasn’t one of Natsu’s strong suits, especially when his blood was already up and he was looking for a fight, Gray took a step forward and thrust his hand out towards the Dragon-slayer. “Huh?”_

_“Look you’re still a flamebrained idiot, and that’s not going to change,” Gray said, ignoring the way that Natsu’s eyes narrowed. “But we’re on the same team now. Somehow…” If he was honest, he still wasn’t sure how that had happened, or why he was so sure that it wasn’t going to change anytime soon. Maybe it was because Erza was involved, but somehow, he didn’t think so._

_They had all worked well together, even he and Natsu had proven that they made a good team…somehow… and he could remember the concern that had gripped him when they’d been forced to split up. It had been different from the worry he’d always hidden when they were younger because it wasn’t the idea of Natsu getting into trouble that had left him feeling cold. It was the fact that he could have ended up dead if things had gone poorly, which they had been at the time. He hadn’t wanted that to be the last time he saw the idiot. Which was why he was stood there, hand held out like an idiot as Natsu glanced between it and his face. “And Erza is going to kill us if we keep fighting like we used to. So…friends?” He forced the last bit out in a rush, Natsu’s silence beginning to wear on his nerves._

_It wasn’t quite the truth, but he wasn’t ready to admit the fact that he had realised that he did care about what happened to Natsu – more than he would for someone that he only saw in passing at the guild. Or about the fact that he had almost turned back in that corridor and suggested that they stick together just so he could keep an eye on Natsu. And there was enough truth in it, to stop Natsu suspecting more because Erza had already warned them more than once that they better not use the fact that they were on a team to give themselves more time to fight._

_Natsu seemed to suspect that there might be something more to it as he hesitated, eyes still narrowed, focused on Gray’s face now. But whether he found what he was looking for, or realised that the Ice Mage was being truthful, but he finally moved, reaching out to grasp Gray’s hand in his own far too warm one. “Friends…Ice Princess.”_

Gray knew that Natsu was remembering that moment as well, catching the slight smile that tugged at the Dragon-slayer’s lips, before he slowly reached out and gripped Gray’s hand in his own. It wasn’t as blindly confident as it had been back there, and there was still a tremble to Natsu’s hand, but he hadn’t hesitated. It was just a small step forward, and a long cry from where they had been, but for now it was enough, and with Erza’s advice still in his thoughts, he knew that the rest would follow, especially as Natsu’s gave a watery chuckle and squeezed his fingers.

“Always…Ice Princess.”


End file.
